really angry and frustrated for just this one reason that i would love to expound upon. mme z-a. i should first have not even taken french in high school...what a crass and stupid language. i hate it. stupid france, french people, etc. secondly, she told me not to go to brown. as i surreptitiously read away msgs and profiles from friends at brown i realize it sounds WAY more intense and satisfying than penn. which i knew it would be. stupid high school "let's have no moral fibre" attitude. why did i even listen to her? i hated her! SO MUCH! and didn't respect her opinion! about anything! in fact i would rail at length against everything she espoused. well, my parents didn't want me to go to brown, either. having told their friends i was going to penn, i guess. but/boy i am resigned.

just imagine, though - i'd be in a shiny city atop a hill being anything to anyone...but instead i am frantically studying for fin101 aka macroeconomics. NOTE: i neither understand nor respect the field of economics. this entry may therefore be read as venting.

i don't like this feeling that anything/nothing can happen. and that i have no control. but it's okay. no matter where i go to school there are always the thoughts of 1) home and 2) world still looming afresh... :^D :^D :^?

the fact that i can no longer write at all is also disturbing and feeds back into my anger and frustration. SHIT i need to get out of this place. grr and more interestingly if you search my site for the word 'control' (see above) you'll get four more entries when i am in this exact mood. i am so pathetic. plus i feel SO fat.