the amsterdam post
i have this strange sense of desperation right now. yuck. and haha. i'm sitting in an easyinternet cafe in amsterdam, right on the damrak (which i tried to say last night and kept saying darmac like it was some kind of...new skin product or a tarmac. whatever a tarmac is.) and yes, so my heart is beating like crazy in the funniest, most inconsequential of places, mi-chemin entre un bibliotheque universitaire et un bureau... teehee. no but really. it's about ten o' clock pm here, and i'm going to go meet my mom, brother, and cousin in paris tomorrow. before i let that all happen, though, i'm trying to work out housing situations: to live once more in the granite blocks we poetically call "the hi-rises"? or be a pioneer and move...just a few blocks NW, to a house which has beautiful patterned hardwood floors [dramatic gesture] but no DSL or furnishings or spectraguards. and also i have to deal with summer work situations, and class situations, and even if i were to be honest and say that i don't have big bad "situations" but just simple decisions to make, i would probably be as uneasy as i am now. faced with my 24 potential hours of internet access and the police officers who have mysteriously infiltrated the cafe.

why so uneasy and desperate? i'm definitely not at home, for one thing! hmm. just thought of something: i think, but am not 100% sure, that most of my friends are not at home right now. to do a quick mental roadmap, my friends who aren't at home are in places as diverse as pittsburgh, bucharest, munich, houston, northern california, chicago, new york...blah blah blah. what is with this? notably i guess it doesn't matter for people that today is boxing day, a day which is traditionally spent kicking about wrapping paper and peeking in the fridge at home with family and friends. but apparently not everyone is so lucky/jesus' birthday oriented. (do i tend to avoid making christians as friends? quiite possible.) and here's something else: i personally haven't spent more than a few weeks at 'home' for two and a half years. this is the life of the college student, i guess. but where have i been? this past semester i was in lyon, france. i did about three cumulative days of schoolwork there, as per the usual, and we'll see how well that paid off for me! and more recently i was in london and now i'm in amsterdam. for the past few days, therefore, i've been suddenly deprived of my 25-odd instant friends and plunked into a Let's Go solitude and have had to depend on perplexed look and smile to get me along. how am i doing?

to start with i have thoroughly enjoyed watching this is our youth, and habla con ella, and lord of the rings/the two towers (sorry again) with and without various people. and trotting merrily down the various hot shopping streets of those two cities. and tonight i saw this sign in dutch:
god is er.