things seemed to be going great as recently as two or three weeks ago - we were settling into our house and planning BYOJ and attending classes regularly. now everything, for me at least, is going awry. and as usual i'm going to blame it on myself, but i really don't want things to turn out this way, so i don't quite understand what i'm doing to make it happen, although being spoiled, demanding, and importunate has something to do with it; i know i go through these cycles of nasty behavior which aren't at all attractive and then i find myself sullen and abandoned at home on a saturday evening. but whatever. in any case, i forgot about this english paper that i have due on monday - only 6 to 8 pages, but i have no real sparks of inspiration yet, and no inclination to go about making some happen. and in terms of imminent spring break... people don't want to go to miami, only orlando, which doesn't appeal to me ever since losing my snuggle bear there when i was, like, five. i'm such a brat, but i really don't want to be nineteen years old and spring breaking in orlando and ruefully wondering if my bear will turn up. and boys...so important. so unimportant. jia accurately and quickly pinpointed two things that you CAN legitimately want for yourself, and which a relationship can furnish you with: companionship and trust. they're really important. exclusivity of affection as well, like andrew said. and mutual ardor, chez armand, can't hurt, either.

meanwhile, as i go a little deeper into this paper (Polly in Dubliners, Dewey Dell in As I Lay Dying) - i get this sweeping sad incertitude about english, too. this protozoan laziness in me which screams "just feel! don't analyze!" and just, you know, kinda shoot the shit about literature. but that is exactly what this class is purported to counteract. for us to be upright and forthright thinkers who staunch the currents of passive thinking and acceptance in these crazy, sense-ational times. but sleeeep. and sherbet...