one of my greatest faults is impatience. in fact, i've said this myself, so i don't know why it bothered me when luis called me on it, a few months ago. but even a year ago...

[3/5/2002 12:03:48 AM | Joanne Yun]
impatience is my big problem (one of them). the cause of insane headaches all throughout high school on lab days. along with my disbelief in cause and effect and precision. if it's not meant to be, forget it. clean up and let's go home. this is coming back to my previous entry. because what i live for is serendipity, which you can't wait for. which is bestowed upon you. so if you insult me with so much as a blink i've already dropped you. if you bore me for as long as a minute i'm already far far away. it's callous and immature i know. but i drive it deeper into myself every time. impatience, the lack of decency. or restraint. i know this in myself and sometimes i find myself speaking already from those places. far away and looming above. already with head in the clouds, trying to move on. and then i get stricken by guilt. "what happens if one is not nice to the young man..." which is not quite the same. but echoing residual of my life always. cloying and immature.


a big "i told you so" for myself. because i love being right, in any temporality. and i love being consistent.

what goes along with this is my tendency to be incredibly, mindblowingly cruel to my best guy friends and boyfriends. who can't testify to this? but i'd really never be intentionally callous to my best girl friends. hos b4 bros! i don't know why i feel as though once i'm friends with a boy i am untouchable. :^D maybe it's because i think they can take it. or maybe i think it's because all boys deserve it.