funny dreams

about a surprise birthday that the usual suspects threw for me at my old church, and one i ran away from, managing to hide behind an SUV before they found me. the funny thing was, how could i plan a surprise birthday for myself in my head? i mean, a distinct trail of clues tipped me off. and i was genuinely surprised! how is that possible? and then something else that was also pretty portentous - i remember some frantic game-show paced grocery shopping and wagon-racing up the hills of seoul. of course nothing makes sense. i'm on this sine/cosine wave of determination to go one way, then another, then another...

last night was kind of like...my realization that i may be really 'over' having a certain kind of friend. also, that i am so tongue-tied around certain people, still, after almost four years. i have this incredibly stupid tendency to think of things only as they represent extremes. and when i say things i mean people. and...something about yesterday made me a little bit sad. i don't know whether it was the beautiful people, or the wise people, or the weird people. but some sense that everything is coming to an end and that before everything else, we are all so young. which makes us all beautiful and wise and weird...