passwords

getting to that point in my life where i might have more computer passwords than friends.

i'm moving this weekend and for some reason my heart swells and soars to think of it. "a room of one's own" maybe? like, something seems really clean about living alone and it excites me. lisa asked me whether i'd ever lived alone and i didn't think i had! there was about 3 weeks there in france that i lived by myself in montpellier, and i think that's been it. strange to think about it but when i think of that time i get that same feeling. of walking down the blazing cobblestoned street swinging a plastic bag from which arise the aromas of the makings of a french dinner; so nervous with the happenings of life that i might fall over; thinking about a night trip to the beach.

anyway so i'm excited about it all. and not to mention the practical advantages which bore me to death every time i repeat them. but also to ignore the sad and eventual consequences of living away from "everyone"...

doesn't it seem like fall stole by?

this weekend i bought so many things for myself; it felt disgusting and as if it were the beginning of my real life. by buying so many things i wanted to protect myself against wanting more and i think that it has obviously had the opposite effect.

fbc.

this post is so incoherent. but lately (as in the past few years) it's so hard to concentrate. what else recently?

feeling so ... where you are awkwardly chafing at the collar of your sweater. wanting to step out of myself.

jenn's birthday, breaking wine glasses, not lighting fires...