Moment of Panic

I've not been feeling so well, this past couple of days.

I went for a long walk with Luis through Prospect Park on Saturday.  
At the end of the walk, I felt completely drained.  Like an Austen heroine who knows her limits.

















So I tried to go to sleep once I got home.  First I baked some banana muffins, knowing I needed to test them for today.  Then I watched a bit more of Howl's Moving Castle.  I couldn't fall asleep.  I tried brushing my teeth and changing into my pyjamas.  Still nothing.

I eventually fell into this kind of relaxed non-sleep, where I didn't feel stressed about not falling asleep but still was a bit curious about being up, despite feeling so tired.  The hours passed quickly.  I picked up the book someone at work had given me - in college, opening a textbook was really the "stupidproof" way to knock me out.  Still nothing.

I finally woke up this morning at 10:30 or so, feeling just a bit better than I had the night before.

Today, I felt a bit better about things.  I'm pretty confident about my 'diet' plans, because eating carbs makes me feel completely ill and weak.  I walked across Central Park, trying to get to the west side, only to find myself 15 blocks north of where I had started.  I felt discreet.  And I met the person that told me earlier this year that I was like a 'fifty foot wave'.  Maybe this means the curse is lifted.  

All I want is to feel committed and sure-footed.  I don't understand why making reckless decisions doesn't help.